Monday, July 5, 2010

Of all the things...

So, I think we have all had times when we've made utter fools of ourselves in attempting to catch the attention of someone we are attracted to. I unfortunately have made this mistake many times. Obviously at 27 I should probably know what to do, and yet, I still haven't a clue. I have had crushes on guys that don't know I exist, who are way out of my league, and yes the ones that are just not that into me. It takes alot for me to actually start crushing on these boys, so when I get a crush, its hard for me to let go, because they inevitably have done something or acted in a way for me to like them in the first place. Most of the time I'm just this quiet girl that does nothing but admire from afar, unfortunately there have also been times I've decided just looking on from afar doesn't work so I tried to take some action. Unfortunately that has backfired as well. So tonight I wrote this just because this is how I feel most of the time. It's not the greatest, but I am still working on it.

Of all the things I’ve said,

Of all the dreams I’ve wished come true,

Of all the tears I’ve shed,

There’s only one thing I wished you knew.

Of all the things I’ve written,

Of all the clich├ęs, whims, and sayings so trite,

Of all the times I felt smitten,

There’s only one thing I hoped with all my might.

Of all the things I’ve done,

Of all the silly games I’ve played,

Of all the times I’d thought I’d won,

There’s only one thing for which I prayed.

Of all the times I’ve tried

Of all the times I’ve failed,

Of all the times I’ve cried,

There’s only one thing I wish I’d nailed.

Of all the times I wanted to give my heart,

Of all the times I tried to be true,

Of all the times I lacked the smarts

There’s only one thing of which I had a clue.

I only wanted to say I love you.

As in- articulate and without words expressed,

I tried to act so you’d be impressed.

I only managed to alienate and deter,

If only I could have acted in a way you would prefer.

Oh how clumsy and foolish I’ve been

Only to realize my actions and words were to your chagrin.

I’ve become “that crazy girl” in your life,

I really didn’t mean to cause you any strife.

I hope one day you’ll see

I just wanted you to get to know me.

Unfortunately I’ve portrayed myself most poorly.

If you only knew me, you’d understand surely.

You impressed me with who you are,

To find one better, I’d have to search among the stars.

You are one who is honorable and true,

I was a fool to try and pursue.

So here I am trying to apologize,

Yet there’s more to learn from this, I surmise.

One put on a pedestal inevitably falls,

Just like the boy who never calls.

I liked the idea of you,

But you never gave me the chance to see if the idea was true.

I liked the potential that was there,

Only to find out I hadn’t a prayer.

So know this, I am done.

Agony never was any fun.

Why do we put ourselves through torture?

Flames of love only become scorchers.

One thing I have learned,

Besides finding out how to get burned,

It’s something for which I’ve got a knack,

To learn to love someone who will never love you back.

So I wish for you all the happiness you could possess.

As I seek for other lives to bless.

Please just don’t forget ,

There is still one who has loved and loves you yet.

Of all the things I could have told you

Of all the things I wished you knew,

Of all the things I’ve wished from above,

The only thing I really wanted to give you was love.

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